How can’t I help you? (thanks to the awesome Whitney Hess for giving me this idea)

I don’t write jargon-y copy, no matter how much money you offer me*

I’ve put in my time writing corporate-speak, big biz blowhardity, and SEO-copy masquerading as actual content.
It sucked my soul out, and I won’t do it anymore.
But the truth is, you don’t want it. You don’t need it.

Speak to your customers like people.
That said, it’s possible to speak to your customers like people AND have SEO value in your copy. But I think it just comes naturally as result of good on-topic writing.

If you really need jargon copy, why not just use this Corporate Jibberish Generator or this one?

*ok there MIGHT be some redonkulous amount of money you could offer me, but I’m 90% opposed.

Though I’m an excellent Photoshopper, I’m not a graphic designer

To illustrate some Information Architecture or UX/UI, I can and will whip out some mean mockups. If you need help compositing, I can help you there too. I even draw monsters.

I have designed and built websites, but that’s not my superpower. I’ll construct the functionality and craft the content, but I leave the pretty look and feel to be done by actual designers. And then I’ll swoop in later and ask them to tweak things for maximum usability.

I’m not a PR or straight marketing writer

Once upon a time I tried to do some PR writing for a job, my boss would read my very clear, concise copy and come back to me and say, “More fluff Charlene, more fluff!” I find my writing talents are better suited to service industries, where there are concepts, procedures and processes to describe.  So this is why it would be challenging for me to write a campaign for something like Pepsi, because there aren’t any (tangible) benefits or processes to describe.

Also, I hate Pepsi. I drink Coke. But only the Mexican coke that is still made with sugar cane.


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